![]() ![]() I am desperate to know what I can do to help us all adapt to this terrible loss.Shankar Vedantam: Today, we bring you the story of a researcher who's understanding of grief was transformed by a devastating experience in her own life. And pretty quickly I became frustrated with them, because I don't want to be told what I'm going to feel. For decades, the popular understanding of what we feel when we grieve was largely drawn from the five stages model.Lucy Hone: Anyone who's ever been bereaved will know that people tell you about them, they expect you to go through them. And it is the result of all the stages of your grief.Shankar Vedantam: Over time, the five-stage model of grief became so ingrained in people's minds that new insights, based on rigorous research, did not get as much airtime. It's the fifth stage, and this is the end game here. The five stages, translated into popular culture, morphed into a model that told people they should expect to feel certain emotions and that their experience of grief would be a journey from one stage to the next.Youtube Video on Grief: Finally, five is acceptance. It's nature's way of letting you deal only with your emotions that you're capable of handling.Shankar Vedantam: As often happens, a system that was designed to be descriptive became prescriptive. Very quickly, the simplicity of this framework began to seep into popular culture, books, TV shows, and later countless YouTube videos.Youtube Video on Grief: Your mind is protecting you by completely denying the reality. The five stages were intuitively appealing and offered people a way to understand a complex experience. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross eventually classified these phases into what she called the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The patients seemed to go through different psychological phases. She noticed a pattern as they came to terms with their mortality. In the 1960s, the psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was studying patients with terminal illnesses. Our transcripts are provided by various partners and may contain errors or deviate slightly from the audio. ![]() The transcript below may be for an earlier version of this episode. Lucy Hone’s TED Talk: The Three Secrets of Resilient People The Dual Process of Coping with Bereavement: Rationale and Description, by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, Death Studies, 1999. The Science of Resilience: Implications for the Prevention and Treatment of Depression, by Steven M. Quinlan, Wellbeing and Resilience Education, 2021.Ĭautioning Health-Care Professionals: Bereaved Persons are Misguided Through the Stages of Grief, by Margaret Stroebe, Henk Schut, and Kathrin Boerner, OMEGA-Journal of Death and Dying, 2017. The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles, by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte, 2003.ĭestruction to Regeneration: How Community Trauma and Disruption can Precipitate Collective Transformation, by Lucy Hone, Chris P. ![]() The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us about Life after Loss, by George Bonanno, 2010. Resilient Grieving: How to Find Your Way Through Devastating Loss, by Lucy Hone, 2017. Lucy shares the techniques she learned to cope after a devastating loss in her own life. In the latest installment of our Healing 2.0 series, we revisit our 2022 conversation with resilience researcher Lucy Hone. But many people find that their grief doesn’t follow this model at all. You’ve probably heard that people who lose a loved one may go through what are known as the “five stages” of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. ![]()
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